I have often teased those women I know who as they got older found sleep to be something they often couldn't fimd.  Lately I've become one of them.  I often find myself awake and staring at the ceiling with my mind racing in a hundred different directions.  Thoughts I think I've buried in the light of day, but which seem to wait until I should be deep asleep to appear.

There are times when life and the changes which come with it sometimes can be so physically and emotionally exhausting.  In the last few months I think I have felt the pressure of life more than I have ever before.  Fighting depression is probably the most exhausting part of my life at the moment.  I have never in my life felt so very all alone and not know what to do with it. 

Depression, has been a life long adult companion of mine.  Most times medication and self control can keep in place where life is possible to handle.  I realize this has been the most difficult year I have experienced in a very long time.  Yet, this time it the demons just won't go away and it feels as though I am oftening fighting for my whole self.  I have never felt as though my whole soul is lost and I have lost the art of emotion or feeling for the world around me.  I long to be angry and fight back, but there just isn't the energy to do it. 

I long for my companion who when he was alive often got frustrated with these times in my life, but was there to hold me and love me and be my support.  After all these years I still miss having someone who knows me and accepts me for who I am.