Family and Me

My dream was to have all of my children and grandchildren together to celebrate my 60th a birthday.  I figured the grandkids are growing up and my own kids don't like to get together with each other often so I would use this opportunity to do something I really wanted to do.  We had a lovely time except for one individual who arrived set on making the event miserable for everyone and worked especially hard at the task.  The two weeks of visitng ended in disaster as I had to ask one child and her family too leave becasue of her husband. 
In the process of all this happening I have felt awful, I have been angery at my child because she can see both sides, but doesn't know how badly I have been hurt.  Our relationship has been changed and I will admit it hasn't always been the best of relationships.  I have often claimed she entered the world at odds with me and most of our lives it has been that way.  This past couple of years I have been striving so hard to give her and husband the benefit of the doubt and even had to beg other children to come to my birthday because they were going to be there.  In my dream world everything wouldn't have been perfect, but there would have been a semblence of getting along.
It has been six weeks now or more and she has made effort to smooth things into some type of semblance of peace, but I still want her to know how much she allowed me to be hurt and she keeps apologizing for her husband, but he has never had to be responsible for his actions, he has never had to take back the ugly things he did and said and he is still her hero.  I guess what I don't understand is how can you raise a child to make such a horrible choice in a companion?  How could she allow him to treat her mother and her family in the manner he did and still defend him?
I recently told a friend I felt as though my soul had lost all feeling.  In the world I come from I would never be in this postion with one of my children.  I am not stupid I realize chidren become adults and pick their own paths, but there is always the hope you can also have a relationship with them.  I lost one of my children this summer, in a manner that is so very painful and I realize that as long as I stay angry it will stay this way,  Yet, I can't find the place to forgive, I will never forget, because too many times I have turned the other cheek and forgiven this mans actions, I will forgive her and move forward sometime, but I no longer want anything to do with her husband, his disprespect and hurtful actions have happened too many times in my life to try to be around him again.
Oh, how wish for peace in my life.