Sleep, is one of those passing commodities of life, especailly as you get older.  Sometimes my mind races in so many different directions it is difficult to piece together all my thoughts.  Tonight or I should say this morning my thoughts are focused on how I have let my anger towards a situation and the individuals define how I feel about life in general.  The light bulb went on as  I lay in bed, about how I have let the anger linger on and take over so many of the aspects of how I feel about everything in life.  I have felt as though my soul was empty with no space to have any other emotions except the anger and the need for others to feel it also.

In the process of being angry, I have stopped seeing the joy in life.  I have mourned the loss of someone I love and expected more from this individual than I believe is available.  I want absolution, I want my side of the situation to be seen and acknowledged, I want the bad person in the incident to acknowledge how very wrong he was and I realized today that won't happen.  The individuals in this situation have moved on life is as usual with them and they expect me to feel that way too.  I may never feel life is usual again in this relationship, but I realize my anger is not helping me heal.

I want to see the good in life agaian, bring out my Polly Anna thoughts and enjoy the world around me.
Joy, is the sweet facebook stories posted by my daughters about the children.  The pictures of those sweet grandchildren I love so much.  Or a friend who shares their daily life whether it be a good day of bad day. 
Joy, is the peace I feel as fall burst forth in color and beautiful sunny days or the peace which comes on a rainy day where you can snuggle on the couch in front of fire and read a book or watch a movie.  It is the peace of turning to a friend for help and feeling the comfort of their love for you and their willingness to help you with your struggles.  It is the peace that prayer can bring and the knowledge God is there to hear your prayers

I have a dear friend who is dying and it is always difficult to know someone you love is reaching the end of their life.  Yet, there is joy in watching this friend bravely live the last months of his life, especially as he testifies of his knowledge of God and God's gospel.  He is dying gracefully and this reminds me of the blessings and the lessons I learned so many years ago as I watched my beloved husband die.

I am reminded there is joy in so many aspects of life, that lookig for the little and big parts of the good of each day isn't as great of a burden as I have thought it could be.

I know there are times when I will feel the burden of the loss of the individual I have anger towards, but I hope my heart will continue to soften and find more acceptance as time goes by.  I know I can learn to forgive, forgetting will be harder, but I know now is the time to move forward.