I love writing here because no one ever reads it anyway.  In the world I live in I must pretend life is wonderful and I am always doing well and I am perfectly happy.  Little does anyone no how much the world is just the opposite.  I am fighting a deep depression which of course in the world I live in isn't allowed.  I am facing a struggle just to get myself out of bed each day and make it to work and put on the happy, kind face I need for my job. 
I feel as though I've lost my sout and I am functioning on as little power as possible and there is no one in the world to share this with.  My children each have their own view of the world and the one I have a very good relationship with would not tolerate my depression only because she believes it can be conquered.  I don't believe my other children have enough reserves in their own lives to deal with me and depression, so I keep it too myself.  I have no friends to turn too and I feel as though I am all alone in the world.
I was raised to believe God is my Father in Heaven and I have a strong belief in him, but I feel as though I am not worthy of his love and caring at the moment.  My low value of myself, leads me to believe he really doesn't have time for me either.
I long for someone to put their arms around me and hold me and tell me I can make it through this emotional pain and the physical pain which I am suffering because of a torn tendion in my foot and arthritis.  I long to accepted for who I am and not for what I think everyone expects of me.